I do feel slightly guilty about this, because there are some very good health charities out there. BMJ summer column.

Dear [health journalist],

As awareness day/week/month for [disease] is coming up fast—just the thing for those summer slow news days!—we have lots to offer you for features, comment, articles, photos!

CELEBRITY! We are very happy to announce that [celebrity] is now our spokesperson/ambassador/patron! S/he is willing to be interviewed on the subject of [disease] which s/he had a “scare” about/has had/had a friend who had it/has always been worried about. As you know, s/he is in the news lately because of Big Brother/football spousal injunction/autobiography/launch of own vajazzaling range. S/he thinks that the current lack of awareness of [disease] is scandalous and is campaigning for more to be done! LIMITED INTERVIEWS AVAILABLE! Phone us to arrange quickly if you are interested!!!⇑

SURVEY! We asked our members what should be done about [disease]. They said that we need more awareness because not everyone has heard about [disease]. They said that we need more funding because not enough is being done. And we need more specialist nurses, who can know lots about [disease] and can educate doctors/nurses/patients. Also, we are lobbying government because of their shocking lack of interest in [disease]; we’ve waited long enough for new drug discoveries/more funding/more research/a devoted university department/a [charity name] professor/a higher profile!

PATIENTS! Next, we have several PATIENTS willing to tell their story (Miranda, blonde, and used to be a model!) can explain how it took three visits to her GP to get a referral to the right department in the hospital. Or there’s Gary, who can tell you all about how [disease] has affected him and how he’s trying to improve awareness by running a marathon dressed as a chicken/trekking across the Sahara/bathing in baked beans as well as fundraising! Not only that but you can sign up to our Twitter/Facebook/Google+/web campaign and pledge your time/money/celebrity while promising to be more aware!

FREE! And best of all, we have a FREE! online test for [disease] for your readers. Simply by answering simple questions, your readers can work out if they have/are at risk of having/in the process of getting [disease] and take action to stop it/prevent it/get help! We can’t obviously diagnose or predict anything for certain, but we can make sure everyone is much more AWARE of the key signs (possible key signs of possible [disease]) and sees their doctor if they think they might have [disease] and INSIST on a referral to a specialist because general practitioners aren’t aware enough about [disease].

If that one doesn’t thrill you, don’t worry: there are several other more notable days coming up this month!!!

Kisses,

[Health public relations agency]